Managing Anger

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

In the lesson for Managing Anger and listening Skills, I have learnt more about the recognition of anger, expressing, and managing anger.

First and foremost, anger is a natural response to perceived frustration, threats, discouragement and stress. The recognition of anger can be categorized into physiological responses to anger, emotions and feelings associated with anger and lastly, the COW behavioral responses to anger. Physical responses to anger include tightened muscles, increased adrenaline levels and heartbeat. The feelings and emotions associated with anger will be disappointment. COW represents Control, Outbursts and Withdrawal respectively. Control refers to keeping cool and calm when one is really exasperated instead of blowing tops. Outbursts refer to the loss of control in expressing anger, in the sense that one throws his tantrum when he gets infuriated. Withdrawal is when someone keeps everything to himself, prefers to be alone and may even deny that he is angry. However, one should bear in mind that a person who is a withdrawal from anger risks low self-esteem and depression. Therefore, one should abstain from withdrawal of anger. It is strongly discouraged.

There are several ways to express anger from what I have learnt. They are firstly, always express anger in a calm way, using calm and logical words instead of violence. In short, be amicable, not sarcastic nor aggressive. Secondly, be patient and question others to get to the heart of the problem. Thirdly, be composed and cool in the face of one’s anger. Lastly and most importantly, slow down and analyze what you want to say. In other words, do not be impulsive.If one fails to express his anger in an appropriate and controlled way, it can result in intimidating, violent, or bullying behavior, which may ultimately endanger other people. These people are usually assertive and often vent their anger on others. They should think before they act and take responsibility for their own actions. Frequent anger not only harms our health, but also strain the relationship between others.

Knowing that mismanagement of anger can lead to detrimental consequences, but from another perspective, anger can be helpful to a certain extent. For instance, it gives us the courage to defend ourselves and those we love. It also motivates us to improve the world by inspiring social action and justice and of course, warns others not to take advantage of us. Despite these points, we should bear in mind that anger has its pros and cons, just that the effects of mismanaging anger can be more dreadful and severe compared to the helpfulness of anger.

RAP can be applied in managing anger. We should recognize that we are frustrated and breathe deeply or go for a walk, analyze our thoughts and anger and be truthful in their sayings, in an attempt to resolve their disputes. As for planning, they should change their attitudes and plan on achieving the desired outcome. To manage anger, we can practice relaxation exercises like yoga and meditation as they can help release tension in a controlled and healthy way. We should learn to convey our feelings by talking to friends or by venting anger through other ways; say creatively through writing. We can also exercise regularly to avoid the accumulation of stress and tension which may lead to anger.

I have also learnt about SIDE; stimulus, internal dialogue and emotional behavior. Stimulus refers to an event, situation or person that you were angry about; internal dialogue is what I say to myself. In the short video clip that I had watched during the lesson, the stimulus is the maid, whom the mother-in-law was angry with because she couldn’t seem to be skilful in preparing a nourishing ad nutritional meal for the family. The internal dialogue on the mother-in-law’s part is that she feels that her daughter is disrespectful, rebellion and useless for picking on a maid who is incapable of preparing meals. She drives her out of the house, retorting that her son can probably get a better wife instead. Additionally, the daughter-in-law has self-thoughts, that is, exaggerations and jumping to conclusions that her daughter is mixing with the wrong company since she returns home late at night. Hence, there is anger on both mother-in-law and daughter’s part.

Once, a friend of mine was absolutely arrogant, boastful and selfish. She does everything on her own and refuses to actively participate in group discussions. Instead, she will either be online on MSN or engrossed in her games. Upon problems to the projects, she pushes the blames and responsibility to us, saying that we didn’t take her advice and that we are the cause of the failure. She criticizes others and boasts about her capabilities. I was hurt by the overwhelming remarks that she passed, yet I contained my anger because I knew that if I blew my top, our friendship would never be the same again. Moreover, I didn’t want to aggravate matters. From then on, my group merely listened to what she has to say and followed her suggestions to avoid similar clashes again.

After today’s lesson, I have a better understanding of the concepts and techniques which are really useful in helping me manage anger such as those mentioned above. These, for sure, will stand in good stead in my future.

Reference:Powerpoint Slides